I found her down in the old train station, next to the art institute. We use to hang out down there, to escape our roommates, to get little peace, have a space of our own, you know. We weren’t allowed down there of course, and most of it was chained, boarded or locked up tight, but we were thin and alive, young and stupid, so we wanted what we couldn’t have and found a way in. When she got a new mattress we dragged her old one down there and set up a tent. It our home, in a way.

So I knew where to look once everything started happening. Damon had called me, early. I was working the graveyard shift then at a big printer, doing work that paid well and let me keep my wounded self from the rest of humanity.

Babbling and incoherent, he begged me to turn on the TV and I managed to catch the beginnings of it, when people were still confused and not believing, back when people would still let others get close to them. Do you remember where you were then, when you first saw them? Did you almost lose it right then, and there, because it was too much to believe? I think we all did, but some of snapped out it and got down to the business of surviving, while others just snapped. It’s just part of being human, I guess.

I told Damon I was going to look for Kara and he begged me not, saying we didn’t know who or what was going on. But I had to, you know? If you see a car crash coming, don’t you reach for the things you love, even if they aren’t there, even if they left you, even if it was your fault?

The streets were mostly normal at that point, people still going about their usual lives. There were a few people gathered around newsstands, or a few street people bent over radios, but everything was mostly normal. I went to Kara’s new job, then one where she said she was gonna start all fresh and new, wiping the slate clean, but she was gone and so were most of her coworkers. The few that were left were calling on phones, surfing the net or listening to the radio, eyes caked with fear.

I went to her apartment and pounded on the door, but there was no answer except for Mr. Levy opening his door from down the hall. Is it safe, he asked, are they out there? No, I answered, from over my shoulder as I went down the stairs.

She wasn’t at her old job either, at the bar, which was already packed with people. It was eerie, because it was quiet as people drank and watched the tvs and quietly sobbed. Tommy was behind the register, trying to make sure his money was collected. He shook his head no, when I asked if Kara had been there.

So of course I went down into the station, down where we had carved out a safe space for ourselves, or at least the illusion of it. And of course, I found her there, waiting for me. Because some hurts are too big to forget, some pain is too big to ever let go. She was waiting for in her blood soaked clothes, waiting for reasons she probably no longer remembered, but she was waiting for a meal she knew would come.

Luckily, I had brought my gun.