We went to see Coraline this afternoon, on a whim, because hey, it’s stop motion animation and by Tim Burton, so what’s not to love?

Well, it was stop motion, but it wasn’t by Tim Burton and man it showed. Visually stunning (and in 3D), the first few minutes were wonderful, as we settled in to something that we just knew was going to be amazing as fantastic graphics flew out from the screen, in beautiful color and gorgeous motion.

But someone forget to get the story, characters, character design, and pacing right. The movie quickly took on a too dark tone, shepherded forwarded by an unlikable lead character and her unlikable parents in a plot that plodded along like a solar powered wheelchair going uphill on a cloud filled day. It had all the elements of a good story, but ultimately it fell down like a tired drunk person: you were glad when they finally shut up and passed out.

The worst part was the 3D glasses. When I was kid, they were cool to keep, they’d turn the world red in one eye, blue in the other. The ones we got were just cheap nerd like frames that made the regular world appear dimmer when you looked through them, which after seeing the movie, makes sense.

Noah Kalina has been taking a photo of himself for the past six years. He’s made them into a movie.